What are you guys doing in celebration of the New Year?
Or maybe you aren’t even doing anything. Just scrolling through Tumblr or watching a movie or reading a book or just staying at home, sleeping, or watching specials on TV. They’re all something I would do and have done before, haha. Don’t feel so out of it, (if you are), there’s a bunch of people here on Tumblr tonight.
But tonight my family are actually doing something. What a surprise, eh? Our church is having a special countdown thing, so we’re going for that. I think it’s gonna be nice; just welcoming the new year with a bunch of fellow brothers and sisters.
Have another awesome year filled new, awesome things!
#having a whole row to yourself on a plane #bakery air #the sound of scissors cutting construction paper #hearing a stranger fart in public #reading the nutritional label and eating it anyway #catching someone singing in their car and sharing a laugh with them #when you arrive at your destination just as a great song ends on the radio #the sound of ice cubes cracking in a drink #the sound of rain from inside a tent #getting a trucker to blow his horn #when you know your tv so well you dont need to look at the buttons #returning to your warm and comfy bed after getting up to pee in the middle of the night #using rock, paper, scissors to settle anything #celebrating your pet’s birthday even though they have no idea what’s going on #seeing somebody laugh in their sleep #getting into a bed with clean sheets after shaving your legs #getting something with actual handwriting on it in the mail
i totally thought i deleted my yahoo account that was linked to my flickr account so i thought i couldnt get into flickr anymore which made me really mad cuz yeah but today i tried again and all of a sudden it worked
yeah i had one of those yesterday. and it came out of nowhere. i was just on the laptop and someone said something and man, did it make my mind go deep. it went really deep. deep back into the past. deep back into what happened then. deep back to what they did. deep back into how they made me feel. deep back to the pain.
like yeah i know i have serious issues but i didnt know what happened then has affected me so much. two things i now fully understand that ppl always say but i dont really take to mind are #1 letting go is hard #2 bullying should really really stop and it all starts with all of us
i know we’re all hurt people and because of that we like to spew it back to others just cuz, and then that person becomes hurt too and ends up spewing it out to someone else and the cycle just goes on and this world becomes filled with hurt, angry, bitter, cold-hearte ppl.
what they did…what they’ve done has always touched and brought back that inferior…self conscious, shy, weak, fragile girl in me. that mindset of a sheep in the midst of wolves always comes. and hate always comes.
but i want to… move on, if you may. im gonna let them go. im gonna cut the strings. there are better people. better things ahead. i just want them to know that they didnt break me.
about God. and how everyone thinks He’s evil and cruel and how he puts all this shit upon us and blah blah blah. i’ve never actually gone through that predicament. ever since i was born, that thought and that belief has never come to me. never. idk why. i mean like i’ve grown up all my life actually like hearing ppl believe and say all these things but it has never influence me as much as other things have.
the issue i have…is discontentment towards everything He’s done and He is. that’s it. and its so bad. IT’S. SO. BAD. i mean, come on. i know and i know and i know that God is good He is flawless He is perfect He is right He is just He is caring and all the other good adjectives in the world. i know that. and i know that He’s done so much for me. oh so much. and i know He’s got so much in store for me. i know that. and i praise Him for that. i thank Him for that. but… like. every day life, i still find myself discontented and frustrated and burdened and feeling like crap. and its like wtf. wtf is this. and yeah.
i’ve kinda realize that just cuz you’re a Christian and just cuz you’ve accepted Christ into your life and just cuz you’ve declared that He’s your Lord and Savior, doesnt mean everything is alright in one snap. like magic. like happily ever after. of course, in the spirit it is. of course! but we’re still in this filthy world. we still live in a fleshy corrupted body. of course things wont be easy right away. that’s why we have an entire lifetime to…take it one step at a time with Christ. it’s a journey with Him. and it’s nice to know that. it’s so friggin nice to know that. life has something to it.