today i openly announced to my parents that i’m not gonna marry.
i’m actually serious about it though. i truly am. blessed be the day when someone actually changes my mind, proves me wrong, and washes all my stubborn thoughts away. but even if it doesn’t happen, i’ll still be okay.
I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig-tree in the story.
From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and a children, and another fig was a famous poet, and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was a pack of lovers with queer names and off-beat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above those figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out.
I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig-tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.